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One word: LOVE

                                                                                         

One word:  LOVE —  It’s ingrained in my mind and heart and guides my thinking, everyday.

But for some singles, it can feel like a hard word.  Which can actually be good for you, as it can give cause to stop, pause and think, “Love”.  Even when it’s hard and feels almost unattainable like a pie-in-the-sky kind of emotional crutch,  in your world.

Which is why I’m thankful in knowing in no uncertain terms what love looks like.

Here’s what I have learned;

  • Sometimes love looks like waiting,
  • Sometimes love looks like listening,
  • Sometimes love makes us uncomfortable,
  • Sometimes love is exhausting.

And yet LOVE continues toward the purpose it was given.

 

Can you explain LOVE in one sentence ?

 

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“She’s the right person, the trade offs are worth it!”

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a great partner all around. Sometimes one has a clear and realistic understanding of love.  One might not.  One might idealize love as the solution to all of their problems.  One might not.

In today’s culture, many of us idealize love and see it as some lofty cure-all for all life’s problems and as a result we pay a price in the process of finding it. Healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions  and that success hinges on deeper more important values.

When I started working with Single Dad CJ in his 40’s, with his quest for a partner, he not only used his heart, but his mind.  Sure, he wanted to find someone who makes his  heart flutter, but he was able to evaluate his dates values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and moral compass in general.  His theory if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you ….well, you’re going to have a bad time.  And he was able to think outside of himself and his own needs and to help care for another person and their needs as well.

Were the trade offs worth it?

“Hell yes, I love her to bits, and we are talking long term plans. I really can’t ask for anything more at this point” .  

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It’s Time! 3 Reasons to Date in 2022

 

Dating has always allowed you to hit pause and take a break.  But after living thru the last few years of a pandemic which has challenged dating, many of us realize now it’s about so much more.  Matchmakers like me, who work with singles who say they would seriously date someone, are setting the tone.  Dating can be a good catalyst for good and it can even be regenerative for singles.

Knowing what you want, finding smart ways to cut thru all the noise, meeting others who are more ready to find love, generally is on everyone’s mind and a constant with all the singles I speak with these days.  Luckily, Matchmakers have always taken dating seriously and as the world really starts to open up again, here are my 3 reasons to get dating in 2022.

  1. Intentional dating. Elevate the bar, be clear and date with purpose. Know what the heck you’re looking for and seek alignment early (& often); and don’t waste time meeting other singles characterized by finding pleasure in flings and things than staying committed.

 

  1. The great online migration. Anyone who’s ever tried their hand at online dating apps and fallen into the abyss of badly lit selfies, fib heavy profiles and “one word” messages know exactly what I’m talking about.  Dating apps are designed to keep you on the apps- something most don’t have the time or patience for, and singles are looking for alternatives that can help cut through the noise–willing to give matchmaking a shot.

 

  1. Make dating fun again. As matchmakers our MO is to make dating fun again, make it romantic, and turn back your attention to mingling with singles in real life.   Something that is lacking in today’s app-driven dating scene.

 

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Do you have plans for New Year’s?

 

So here we are the beginning of November. Over the last 20 years that I have been matchmaking,  I don’t know of another four weeks when singles lurch forward into new states of mind quite so dramatically and we are busy.

Hoping to see physical manifestations of our hearts desires feels more urgent on these longer November evenings, and before we shift inevitably into the next year, and if your single you get feelings to find somebody to love.  Consider where we were last year at this time.  Vaccine trials, hospitals overwhelmed, borders still closed, November has always been a month of high emotion, whether it’s longing, loss, or memories of closeness.

But come on. Everyone, at one point in their lives needs encouragement along the way and you are no different; without fail our clients hold on to that believing. They let US focus on it and they are enthusiastic to accept meeting potential local love possibilities.

Though patience is a virtue, there is a limit to everyone’s patience. Where are you ?

Happy New Year…this is the year of ….?

 

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5 Reasons Daddy Christmas Should be your Next Boyfriend

As you might have heard, your main man Santa is back and on the market.  Here are a couple of the many reasons he’s actually a total catch. 

  1. He has the best beard of any man you will ever meet
  2. He’s really buff under all that velour
  3. He’ll never forget to get you presents and knows exactly what you want
  4. He’s great with animals, especially moody reindeer
  5. His ride is a flying magical sleigh

Signed;   Private Matchmaker for Santa

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Give real gifts of love this Christmas

For those of us less fortunate enough not to be in a relationship, the coming of Christmas can present a challenge.   Let’s be honest; whether you care about your single status or not listening to relatives probing about our dating life can be draining, as can finding a home for the mountain of small amusing gifts coming your way.  For example, being in receipt of wall art or badass affirmations books and you immediately file it under a mental tab marked: Single at Christmas, again – sorted.

But there is a solution; And it’s simple –Give a gift of something to someone who needs it– Choose Love.

So, don’t shut out the idea of helping someone find love –give them a real present of love. This week, we have had several calls from people who realize that waiting patiently to let love find you does not have to be the case and this Christmas we are helping caring friends and family buy loved ones appropriate and indulgent matchmaking membership gifts, the thing that someone single actually needs; to go from single to taken!

Presents for single people truly in need; a solution to your Christmas shopping- It’s what we do.

Since you’re here, give us a call to find out more!  [email protected]

love ball and buttons  https://bigloveball.com/

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The new “It Breakup”

We are in that small window of opportunity where it’s still semi-acceptable to break up with someone before we get into the Holidays, but the window is quickly closing. You don’t want to be that person breaking up with someone before Christmas. Before you read this, I want you to think about the last time you were dumped or broke up with someone. I feel like 9 out of 10 times; there are some pretty visible signs that a split is coming. Maybe we see them and choose to ignore them, or perhaps we’re oblivious.

I found many articles on the signs your partner is about to leave you, but I think that there are a lot two pretty definitive ones. For most when they are about to end a relationship, they start changing or improving their physical appearance, or posts start disappearing like a bad habit on their social media accounts.

Dah!  You should have seen that last break up coming a mile away. And if you’re in a relationship and you’re suddenly doing these things, perhaps it’s time to take a long, hard look at if this relationship is working for you. If you’re the one planning to do the dumping and you’re struggling with how to do it, you can always do it with ice cream. According to Vancouver based Nora’s Non-Dairy, “It’s a sweet but savage way to drop someone!”

Thank you, next……….

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Dating; Step Outside the “Border”

We have all heard the stories.  First dates costing more than $2000 after spending months of online back and forth messaging, hours of late-night phone calls, and then finally booking a flight and deciding to meet.  Such long-distance romances use to grow out of fateful encounters on holidays, or perhaps far-flung business meetings but today a growing number of cross-border courtships, some owed to an instant message across time zones, is becoming not about what to wear on your date— it’s what to pack!

Statistics show that 52% of Canadian on-line daters have e-mailed someone out of country in the past 30 days.  I have also seen a spike in Matchmaking clients open to long-distance dating; after starting out searching within five miles of their postal code and as they get more comfortable they stop limiting themselves so much and more open to step outside the “border”.

This city’s only so big, and when the girl next door is no longer next door, its nice to open up the possibilities for my clients by working with other accredited “Cupids” from other cities.  This summer I’ve relied on connections with fellow cupids from Seattle, San Fran, San Diego, New York, London UK and of course continue working with my fellow Canadian ones all the way east to Toronto with some great success.

That’s certainly the case for our affiliate Matchmaker friend Ali Migliore of Simply Matchmaking in Seattle.  “There is definitely an infinite number of single people here open to dates from other cities and this summer, I knew I had to connect with Jane about an amazing client I had in Seattle who was open to expanding her search to the Vancouver area.  By us both knowing our clients so well, we were able to come up with a great match and our clients met and both said it was the best match yet! Looking forward to dozens of more potential romances happening with the help of our cross-border cupids at Matchmaker for Hire.”

Of course, expectations are always heightened when a plane fare is actually involved and its easy to feel cheated if the romance doesn’t work out (this kind of dating isn’t for the faint of wallet) – plus there’s added pressure if it does.  But for some, however the distance is a bonus and that not being around someone all the time can be ok if you are just as busy as they are.

So, if your tolerance to being uprooted is increased, let your Matchmaker know.

 

Jane Carstens –Matchmaker for Hire- Western Cda                   

 Ali Migliore – Simply Matchmaking – Seattle

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Altogether Lovely – MEET Maria !

Meet Maria; She enjoys the freedom to meet her friends in the middle of the day, take Monday’s off and lives a great life in James Bay, Victoria. 

Because she believes so strongly that she needed a unique approach to find her soul mate, Maria was reluctant to try online.  Afraid she’d “sound desperate” and she didn’t want to sound like every other single person out there.  At the same time, it was difficult to find the one. Something had to change.

For her, Matchmaking was both authentic and compelling to finding the right one.

So here you go,  Meet Maria!  If you are a 60+ gent living on Vancouver Island  message me to find out more [email protected]

As seen in the Victoria Times Colonist – Sunday September 16th, 2018

 

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The Labour of LOVE

If it wasn’t for love, I’d be out of business.  Whether through disappointment, pain, betrayal, abandonment or the ongoing struggle to keep it alive, LOVE fuels every text, email, and phone call to my mailbox.

You might imagine that such a job, exposed daily to the devastated landscape of our broken dreams, would turn a person to cynicism or agonising thoughts.  Instead my client’s anguishes offer me comfort: access to the intimate detail of other’s lives consistently proves that our greatest motivator what we’re consumed by down the decades, isn’t money, success, power or even plain survival, but finding a safe place where we feel protected by the embrace of those we love.

Now I am not exposed much to the glorious beginnings of any relationship, the days full of giddy excitement, heart palpitations and the hope.  My business is at the back end of that story, digging about in its wake; failed love and all the many ways that love betrays our optimism.

In love’s aftermath that you witness the immense fragility – whether a bereaved parent or a broken-hearted lover – and understand that we are shaped and formed, built and broken by our desire to be connected to each other in meaningful ways.

Personally, I’ve always been as confused about love as anyone – probably more so.  I know matchmaking clients for 16 years has in some ways caught me up to where some peoples understanding was already!  And I’m only partly joking about that.  Overall, the stories have made me feel grateful about what I have and make me want to aspire to do better.

Jane Carstens

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