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4 Things Everyone should know about LOVE

For a lot of people, finding love is a exasperating, elusive process.  For us Matchmakers, its just another day in the office.  Here’s some of the most important things we’ve learned about finding love and making it last;

  • A question that most people unintentionally ignore is: Do I personally live up to the expectations that I have for someone else? And often the answer is no.  It is easy to come up with a list of ‘must-haves’ in a partner, but it is a lot harder to turn that list around and judge yourself. If you are not passionate about your life, how are you going to attract someone who is? If you are not living your life true to your values, how are you going to attract someone who does?
  • When a client tells us his or her physical ‘musts,’ we like to use the analogy of friends.  Think about your three closest friends. They probably all look extremely different, but they all have qualities in common that you choose to surround yourself with — humor, intellect, empathy, altruism, honesty — whatever it is that you enjoy. When you’re searching for a romantic partner, think about searching for those qualities you enjoy — not just blonde hair or guys taller than 6 feet. Look at a person’s soul. If you like it, hold onto it.
  • We have an idea of the right age and time to get married.  However just because you have been dating someone for a few years, and you are 31 years old, does not mean that you need to get married.  Trust your gut.  If you are not ready to get married, don’t.  We meet people every day who have gone through nasty divorces, if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right.
  • The hardest part of dating, by far, is finding the someone you truly connect with.  So if you do find that kind of person, don’t let him or her go -be loving enough to work on a solution- even when the going gets rough. 
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6 Heartfelt Facts to Date a Single Mom

If you’re currently looking for love and not including Single Moms in your search, you need to read on. You’re not likely to stumble upon a more selfless or loving woman than one who has raised her kids on her own (or mostly on her own). But hey, don’t take it from us, take it from the gals themselves. Here’s a few quotes from what our single mom clients had to say, about their best reasons why you should date them!

  • She moves slowly into dating and relationships.

“I got a lot on my plate, and definitely not sitting around swiping left and right on Tinder. Nor do I have a desperation to rush into things, the most important persons are my kids” That means you may have to take things slow with any gal you date who has kids — but that’s a good thing.

  • It’s not all about her.

“My kids have a wonderful way of putting things into perspective.  If I am going to be the best mom I can be, it isn’t about me” Who wouldn’t appreciate a gal who has learned to be selfless to a fault?!!

  • She’s Responsible.

“I’m fully plugged into my kids’ lives, I accept the obligations and I don’t bad-mouth their dad” That gal will probably be the best woman you’ll ever meet!

  • She’s Sensitive.

“I’ve got little boys and have spent afternoons at the ball park- sure takes a lot of strength to be tough” If you’re the hand-holding type, you’re definitely in luck, she’s more comfortable with physical touch, who wouldn’t be ok with that!!!!.

  • She’s playing for keeps.

“The last thing I want to do is introduce someone to my kids, only to have that person disappear down the road”   She’s not looking to just hook up, and when you think about it, that’s about as good as dating ever gets!

  •  She is Versatile. 

“Being a single, working mum means I wear many hats. I am nimble. One minute I am the sexy business professional and the other, the girl next door with her kids at the sports park” 

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Indifference makes the difference with Dating & Wanting Kids

Whether you are interested or not, Royal Baby madness has gripped which brings up a good question for singles; are you indifferent to having kids?   A common answer from a lot of clients when I ask them if they want children is  “I’m not against kids, I am indifferent.  If my future partner wants kids then I would love to have them.”

For some, it can be a hard time understanding this as having kids is a life-changing event; or the ones stating it , they are just not sure.  Of course no one owes anyone an explanation, but when you are dating it can feel like a big deal.   There are all sorts of reasons why someone, when on a date, admits to being undecided/open as it creates confusion, but when I ask,  the common reason I see most is more the feeling of being rushed or the clock is ticking from someone and that their answer “can go either way” means more….. “NOT RIGHT NOW”.

There are motivations for this ranging from preferring their current lifestyles to prioritizing their careers, and for some it’s a pipe dream, tremendous investment, and that they are not meant to do the parenting thing on their own and want to make sure they have help from a wider village. 

As with all dating deal-breakers, there is no benefit before going further into the dating world with a major issue already in place.  And it can make all the difference when one rarely mentions it and the others position is inflexible.  Its better off  if you are looking for someone you can be with long term, for everyone,  if you’re up front. Kids are a deal-breaker because you can’t have half a kid!

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#royalbaby

#MOTHERSDAY

#DATING

#RELATIONSHIPS

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Dear Future, 60-something Co-Pilot !

“I’m not sure yet sure whether you exist, though I believe that you do and I am not too concerned with minor details about what you’ll look like, how tall you’ll be or what type of car you’ll drive.  However if you happen to be looking for someone who loves hiking, fishing, cooking at home with old friends and love spending time with each other at your place and vice versa; we might have a few things in common.  I love living a balanced healthy lifestyle, radiate a fun demeanor with romantic playfulness and optimism.  Travel is a big part of my life and I spend most of my time retired living and playing in Victoria, Vancouver Island and Costa Rica.  

Yes, Future Co-Pilot, you are an intelligent, independent, physically fit, affectionate, family orientated, inquisitive gentleman 60+ and I can hardly wait to meet you.”

If you are looking to meet a great woman to add to your already full life living in the Victoria, Nanaimo, Parksville, Qualicum Bay, Comox Valley regions and would like to learn more, don’t make her wait.  Drop me an email at [email protected] along with a recent photo (and I will send you hers) and we can begin the conversation.

FEES PAID FOR BY THIS CLIENT

As seen in the Parksville/Qualicum Beach News – Thursday May 2, 2019

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Are we too old for Boyfriend’s in our 60’s ?


Years ago, most widows, after the death of their husband or a divorcée from a decades long marriage, didn’t remarry or even date again. Now, most want a new next chapter that includes life with a new romantic partner- which begs a common question to those now sharing life’s adventures, how do you introduce him to others?   

I have asked several of my re-partnered clients what they call the new man in their lives and was amazed at the dozens of terms they offered.  Not surprisingly most felt “boyfriend” sounded immature, “significant other” seemed too formal and “companion” more like an ideal dinner date.  So I’ve summarized their alternative suggestions along with a few others I found online.  Some are hilarious, a few are moot and others are downright descriptive;

  • Guy Friend, Bedfellow (is it a potential partner or simply a guy…. friend?)
  • Partner in Crime  (maybe good if you are outlaws on the run)
  • Soulmate (implies forever, which is a rather impossible length of time to grasp)
  • Best Buddy, Better Half (some may argue it’s better not to be best friends with your partner)
  • Undocumented husband, UPIARR -unmarried party in a romantic relationship, UPLIS -unmarried person living in sin (its more likely used to prevent deportation)

So what do I suggest you introduce the man you are sharing your life with ?  Just use his name simply saying  “I want you to meet James”.  Others will readily see that you’re together on more than a casual date.  You can also add, “We’re great partners”, if you think a bit more information would be helpful.

How do you feel about the word “boyfriend”? If you don’t use this term, how do you refer to your partner?  Please share your thoughts below!

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First Dates- They can’t all Lead to Love

Even if you’re pretty sure you’re hitting it off with someone, the signs of a good first date aren’t always easy to recognize,  but it’s a safe bet if you both add extra time to your parking meter 😊

While most people probably define a “good date” as one that leads to more dates down the line, that’s not the only or best way to look at it.  What we like to tell our clients is that it’s totally ok if it doesn’t lead to a second.  Don’t get me wrong it can be disappointing if a first date doesn’t turn into a second, but having a good first date is a self-confidence booster.  It can remind you that it’s fine to go out and have fun with someone interesting, rather than staying home staring at your phone.  They can’t all lead to love, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be good fun!

If you are finding more often than not, a date with the same person doesn’t go past one or two dates, it’s time to manage your expectations and cast a wider net.  Here are some tips to having more fun on first dates;

  1. Instead of auditioning to be partner material, you should just go, have fun and bring the best and happiest version of you to the table.
  2. Don’t take anything personally, and  you shouldn’t let one bad date sour your views towards dating.
  3. Don’t get trapped in the job interview date, they are awkward and high stress.
  4. Try to plan a date that is active in some way – good dates are always interactive.
  5. Take comfort in the idea that everyone is uncomfortable, and that is a learning experience. The more you grow, the better a dater you will be. The better a dater you are, the better the fit will be when you do land the relationship.

Me? I’m an optimist- from the unique moments of my clients connecting.

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How to Overcome Singledom Birthday Stress

I am about to celebrate a birthday.  Which one, I won’t tell but I don’t feel any older, other than just another day where I have to remember to change the digit when people ask how old I am .  But enough about MY birthday!

Birthdays are like your own personal national holiday; the one day a year when you’ve gathered the most important people in your life and they celebrate in your honor, make you feel like royalty, and pretty much let you do whatever you want.   Or at the very least, give you a cake and if you are single they say “you know, you’re not getting any younger with indecision, another year”.  

So if you think that spending your birthday single is terrifying, here’s a few reasons exactly why you have to do it;

  1. You don’t have to stress about planning anything big.
  2. You’re free to do litterly anything you want.
  3. You don’t have to keep anyone waiting; take as little or as long as you like doing the things you enjoy.
  4. And lastly, being alone leaves you with no option other than to be brave; it will remind you of how naturally it is to be social (no social media) and talk to more people and you never know who you might meet that will turn your birthday from a single status to taken.    

Trust me , you will find that this isn’t difficult at all!  What would be difficult is if your birthday is on February 14th ( Valentine’s Day).  If you’re a woman, you’ve officially set yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment –now every guy you date will have to do something special, squared.  If you’re a guy, you now have to spend your birthday making somebody else feel special, because Hallmark said so.  

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Put Winter to Bed – Reset your Love Life!

While the stars are in your favor, the Spring Equinox is the perfect time to shake things up a little – rejuvenate stale relationships, get your love life together, and go on a new dating adventure.

So, make the most of the Spring Equinox with a few tips of inspiration for a new romantic pursuit ;

  • Make it happen!  If you haven’t been on a date in a while , set one up.   If you’ve been feeling discouraged with your dating life, your time off from the dating scene will allow you to jump back in with a new excitement and optimism.
  • Do a different kind of date night. Step outside the regular routine of dinner or bars, and try something totally different.
  • Tell your crush that you like them…. I know this can sometimes feel like the scariest thing in the world – instead of being scared of your fears remember the best-case scenario can happen, too.

In short, take full advantage of the Spring Equinox and remember to give yourself realistic timelines and goals and the time to enjoy it is now.

Bring. It. On!  

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Everybody gets lonely, period!

When I think of Valentine’s Day, (a day for love and togetherness if you are in love), I can’t help but think at the same time that it can be a very trying time for those of us who are Solohood and hate the pressure of Valentine’s Day but love the thought of romance.  

There is widespread assumption that single people are lonely, but it turns out anyone can be lonely, and anyone that is alone , isn’t necessarily  lonely. According to recent studies over half of the population (54% being single) now say they always or sometimes feel alone, and one in five say they rarely feel close to anyone.  So based on this, to be lonely you don’t have to be alone – it’s about the quality of your connections with people, and whether they genuinely relate to you.  

Shockingly, most clients we speak to say that the loneliest they have felt is when they were with someone, but were still lonely.  The UK government has actually developed a Minister for Loneliness , whose purpose is trying to figure out why Brits are lonely and what interventions can smooth that out…….sounds like a lonely job to me! 

Studies also say that the ever-present online activity, single or not, is the main reason why most people feel lonely.  If you’re single,  the more time (can be years for some) you spend swiping left or right, is counterproductive in the dating world. 

Sure, we need vitamins, clean air and connection for our personal well being.  However, if you are Single, take some time to notice how much you need actual connection!  You might find you are not lonely, you’re just alone.

Happy to chat !

Happy to chat !

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How to set a Personal Budget for Dating in 2019

We budget everything in our lives — food,entertainment, travel, and so on.  One thing we don’t tend to think about in terms of savings though, is dating.  When we take somebody out for a night on the town, we tend to want to go all out.  This is especially true if you’ve just met someone and are actively trying to impress them.  After all, if you took someone out on a first date that consisted of McDonald’s paid with a coupon,followed by a Netflix movie at your buddy’s place, are the chances good for a second date?  Maybe not.

However, that doesn’t mean you should spend tons and tons on the dating scene either. If you do, then all your careful budgeting elsewhere goes to waste. Instead, set a monthly budget for dating. Depending on your earnings, this budget can be high or low, though it should realistically never exceed 10% of your monthly income. Stick to this number while still finding ways to have fun, and you’ll earn a reputation for being a fiscally conservative dating machine.

A recent survey has revealed that, in fact, an average date night in Canada clocks in at $125, with those in Vancouver paying the most of all ($149). Globally, however, a date night in Canada is still cheaper than the same date in several other major global cities.

  • Vancouver is the most expensive city in Canada to date in with an average dating costing $149
  • Winnipeg is the country’s cheapest city for a date with a night out setting you back $116
  • Canadian couples are paying $5 more than their global counterparts for a date.
  • The average Canadian date costs $125 while the worldwide average date is $120
  • Toronto is now the 9th most expensive city in the world to date in – shooting up two places in since 2017
  • Oslo is the world’s most expensive city, with $221 needed to cover a night out
  • Istanbul is the world’s cheapest city for a date at just $40 is needed for a romantic night out

In the end , quality over quantity when it comes to dating……and we can help with that!

Contact [email protected]

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