Out sourcing your love life is becoming more and more mainstream. A lot of people now resort to find potential dates online or hire a matchmaker and have someone do all the groundwork in finding a partner for them.

But, how is online dating any different than matchmaking? Both may seem fairly similar methods of meeting “the one”, there is actually a huge difference between the two. In online dating you do all the work, are directly involved in profiling yourself and finding a potential partner. Great if you have lots of time on your hands and are into a numbers game. On the other hand, a professional dating expert with experience, and expertise in bringing two people compatible for each other gets down to the nitty gritty of your specifics. Although both dating systems aim to pair people up, online dating is often less specific in matching thereby making it less effective compared to matchmaking.

In online dating, you get to meet people with similar interests and hobbies but they may not necessarily be compatible in other areas of their lives and you also have the freedom to review thousands of profiles—the volume of potential dates seems endless! In the real world, this notion is quite next to impossible. The downside of having too many choices leads to fatigue and exhaustion. Sounding all too familiar?

In matchmaking, you are paired with carefully reviewed potential dates. Any experienced matchmaker can reduce the volume of potential dates, focus purely on quality and zero in on someone who has the highest potential that is genuinely looking for a partner. The matchmaking process has gotten scientific as it can get—making it more accurate, proven to have better results than online dating. The use of a consistent method coupled with scientific and psychological basis increases the chance of a fruitful union between two individuals.

Matchmaking, simply put, helps you get in the door but it’s up to you how to stay there once you’ve made it— helping you meet the right person, but it’s completely up to you to make your relationship work.

This editorial prepared by Jane Carstens

As seen in the 50 Plus Living section of the  Comox Valley Record , Vancouver Island   http://www.comoxvalleyrecord.com

 

“Hey Google, what are the chances of winning the lottery,” and the results should send you running for the hills.  While your chances of getting struck by lightning may be greater than striking it rich in the lotto, people win big at finding LOVE on a fairly regular basis.  Right now, there are countless people celebrating it, cursing it or searching for it. And who can blame them? Love is a many splendored thing.

So, today we are sharing one (of many) of our favourite Love Stories with you.  Our story comes from August 2013 and our Prince Charming grand slam.

“I was happy with my first date but Jane insisted I meet Bert! Jane came to my house on a summer morning in August 2013, and we sat on my sunny deck barefoot and talked about my life for two hours; she met my dog, my kids, and she saw how I lived. I chose Jane because from what I knew about her, and that she would do the work for me and I didn’t need to share my photo and profile with the world, just Jane and her team.  It wasn’t too long after she called with an introduction for me, John and after a first meeting I found him as I thought, to be exactly who I was looking for, until intro #2.  Jane insisted that I meet Bert, I think she knew he was my perfect match, and she was right! Our cocktail date moved onto dinner and we met again the next day…….and forever after that.  Bert proposed to me in Bora Bora, 14 months later and we got married August 2016, exactly 3 years after our first date.  We are a match made in heaven and thanks to Jane she brought me my Prince!”

 

You know the old saying: you win some, you lose some… and then there’s that little-known third category…..as quoted by  Al Gore

 

When a woman is off the charts, she can have any guy she wants and for some reason she is still looking for you! Well that’s what some of you might be thinking, but guys, what a gift this woman is to invite you into the next level of your glorious evolution! Take her off the pedestal, don’t get me wrong she’s a magnificent goddess and she farts like the rest of us.   Perhaps hers don’t stink but you get the picture, yes?

So, if you are looking for a great relationship, its time to get present and focus on two things:

  1. Start receiving- she’s looking for someone like you! Relationships are reciprocal, remember?
  1. There will be things she sees in you, that you don’t (yet). BE that. Exude that. Wake that up in you. Own it.

I’m sorry to say that most men (and women…..me included) are stubborn and want to ‘do it on our own’ and when we have hit the wall we are more willing to ask for help.  Well don’t wait until then, and I challenge you to not wait and to be proactive.

I would be privileged to book a time to connect with me to at least see if she is for you, attraction and connection aside.

Email me confidentially at  jane@matchmakerforhire.com   \ or call 778-552-3350   \    As seen in the Victoria Times Colonist – Saturday May 26, 2018

 

 

Most of the people I meet who are venturing back into the dating world have no idea what they want in a partner.  Oh, don’t kid yourself they have a list a mile-long of qualities and traits that they are certain they will not tolerate again but the one thing they have a hard time telling me is what they are looking for.

For some, not having a clue of what they wanted in a partner has in the past lead to some epic dating adventures. Simply because they have either given everyone a chance or let some good ones pass them by, meeting several colorful personalities with whom have developed into platonic friendships, along with a handful of whack jobs that had them thinking of never dating again. Starting to sound familiar?

Thru all this trial and error, they discover what it is that they are actually looking for – someone to do nothing with. The concept of having someone to do nothing with should not be confused with having nothing in common. Having nothing in common generally equates to having separate interests, which often leads to having separate lives. But hear me out.

Having someone to do nothing with is finding someone to spend your unscheduled moments with — the person you share the comfortable silence with when you’re driving, or the one you lean against when you’re on the couch surfing Pinterest for dinner ideas.  They’re the one that you enjoy your morning cup of coffee with, or the one that chats with you while you’re folding laundry.

They’re the person in your world that makes your everyday living moments better simply because they’re in your presence.  While I’m an advocate for date night and the important role it plays in a relationship, I have come to realize that most neglect the importance of finding someone that simply wants to be with them — no activities, no schedules, just enjoying the company of one another.

While you still might be tempted to have more “Netflix and Chill” nights, as the temperatures rises, endorphins spark as the sun comes out; so, does your desire for a relationship.  There is something about the days getting a little longer brings us all out of the woodworks and we are seeing a surge in singles wanting to put themselves out there to meet someone,

As spring falls upon us there are still do’s and don’ts when it comes to meeting the right kind of match, based on what you’re looking for and here are a couple of steps you can follow to meet your Spring Love;

DO lose your “laundry list”; This doesn’t mean go out with anyone who asks, but your perfect partner is never 100 percent of what you think is perfect for you that you’ve put on a piece of paper. Date smart, but date with a balance of openness.

DON’T TMI; As relaxed as you are with this great first date, trust me that he’d rather not hear about your alcoholic mother who has a bad habit of continuing asking you for money. As interesting as you think he finds it, it’s because he wants to get to know as much as possible since this is probably the last time he will see you.

DO keep it simple, stupid; Stop trying to complicate things that are not. Relax, stop overanalyzing and putting unfounded pressure on your first few dates. You’re not getting married, you are on your second date.

DON’T try too hard; Put your best foot forward, work on yourself, but remain humbly confident. Don’t ever try to be something you are not in order to try to make someone like you. No one’s perfect. Be your best YOU that you can be, and you will find that right person who loves you for you, flaws and all.

After reading these DOs and DON’Ts are you be ready to meet your Spring Love?

 Contact me jane@matchmakerforhire.com

 

“hope springs eternal meaning, definition, what is hope springs eternal: said when you continue to hope that something will happen, although it seems unlikely.”

 

There’s something about her that is is self assured, unpredictability exciting and you will want to meet her.  If you are 60+ Gent, living in Victoria and have a curious mind and lots of gusto contact me — jane@matchmakerforhire.com or call 778-552-3350

 

Testimonial: “You sure know me. I can only imagine the demands in matching algorithms…… You must be the Einstein of Love.” He said smiling. That’s what one of our clients recently had to say.

Is there a formula for successful relationships?  You bet! The five-to-one ratio of positive-to-negative emotions suggests there is and the difference in having found “the one” as apposed to “someone” can be:

  • You are so enamored at the beginning that you want to keep conversing forever
  • You find someone who meets 90% of your criteria (having defined this well up front and relating to what you have in common rather than having more positive “opposite” traits).
  • There is a magnetism after the first couple of dates…. coming from both head and heart and not merely lust, though the physical attraction is also there.

Once established well over months where it keeps existing—this magnetism blossoms to where you can’t live without the other person.  Resist the desire for any next steps until 4 seasons have gone by, and you have experienced visitations with her/his friends and family, seen his/her reactions to a large variety of events such as changes in political climate, religious experiences, movies and intellectual pursuits, passions of many kinds, discussions on health, patterns of living, rural or urban style, future plans, desire for travel, views on children, volunteering, helping others—all topics you can bring up…and many more that give a broader perspective about the person. Satisfy your need to know these things to avoid big future controversies.

 

Matchmaker vs. Cupid: Which one do you choose when it comes to finding love?  Would you rather get a visit from the messenger of love or a Matchmaker superhero who can save you from a dating disaster?  

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

 

If she is a fan of the team, I don’t see why not – however normally I’d see it as a bad move, but all depends on how comfortable she is with it and if she’s excited to go then ……it’s a good move!

With FIRST DATES, there should be 3 components to it.  You need to take some time and create a plan.

Dinner –not a good first date plan.  If you decide 15 min in you have zero in common you are stuck for an hour or more and you’ve giving a message that you have carved the whole evening for someone, you hardly know.  Its like having 2/3 of the date all upfront.  So guys, here we go!

  • The first 1/3, quick easy drink in a bar,
  • and next 1/3 do something fun that is easy and risk free, and it also shows that she thinks that you’ve earned it. (if you are finding conversation awkward at a sporting event, trust me, it wouldn’t be any better at a dinner)
  • and last 1/3, this is reserved for dinner. It makes it easier to have known each other previously and are already comfortable around each other and you’ll always have a bailout conversation topic, because you can just revisit and talk about whatever you did on the first and second dates.

Even if she’s not a big sports fan, she’s sure to enjoy a laid-back evening or afternoon at a minor league ball game.  Amateur teams tend to have more entertainment during the game, which will provide you with tons of conversation starters.  Plus, the drinks and food won’t cost and arm and a leg which is especially good news if things don’t pan out.

 

Thanks to Steve Darling and the Vancouver SportsNet 650 morning team for having me on the air today!

 

 

Success in dating, much like “Day Trading”, really boils down to two things; what’s going on inside your head and what’s happening with your results.  The key is to get the two in-sync with one another– rather than on the collision course to the calamity you may have it on right now. This basically means having “things come together to a point” which means stacking the odds in your favour……. yes, even in dating.

Ready? ……Let’s Go!

As a Professional Matchmaker for the last 16 years, I always need to see a high-probability element and at that point it’s a definite reason to make a match.   The more supporting aspects or commonalities clients have, the more likely I am to recommend they meet.  Here’s a quick checklist of some factors of dating you can look at to increase the chances for success in dating for you;

  1. Put a game plan together – A dating plan will glue together everything and help hold your “rational” state together.
  2. Accept Reality – Don’t fight it – One huge thing daters forget is there is always tomorrow, don’t feel rushed or pressured to need to date. The more relaxed the better you will do.
  3. Serious Dating cannot be your Plan A, right out the gate! – You need to be as stress-free as possible and if you feel like you have “minimal options” when you’re ready to meet someone, you’re going to become emotional and over-think/over-compromise and ultimately lose.
  4. Remove Expectations – Just because you have a type doesn’t mean that’s what you need! Don’t try to make every date a serious adventure. Instead accept every date as a cost of finding love in this dating market.
  5. Become a MinimalistBeing relaxed, patient and disciplined are all things that are much easier to achieve if you take a minimalistic approach to dating. This means, you don’t need to analyze, to don’t need to look at time frames, and you don’t need to stay up all night watching winks and smiles from your online profile. Set and forget and you will create the proper dating mental state simply as a side effect!

Conclusion…to those on the outside, finding the one is not the result of getting lucky.  Rather, it’s the end result of putting everything together.  Like most things in life, it is the end result of doing a lot of little things right, consistently and it only takes one slip-up of your discipline to start an emotional snowball of dating mistakes.

 

Safe-guard yourself.  Develop these dating habits or learn a no fluff, no filler, just an honest effective better chance at successful dating right from the source! ……….. CALL ME!

 

Many singles say they’re in the same boat; anxious, overwhelmed with wide-eyes, hoping for the best and just days away from a new set of resolutions to find love in 2018!  If you’re single and want to get into a relationship in the coming year, you can’t expect to do the same things over and over again expecting different results.  So, if you were unhappy in romance last year, I’ve absolutely got you covered with these great steps to say goodbye to a lonely 2017 and have a happy 2018!

Embrace being Single; Not in the sense of accepting it, but by living your life happily as a single person. The irony is that when you embrace the single life in this way, you become much more attractive to others. A fun, confident person living his or her life to the fullest is very attractive. Be that person!

Get a Life; Meaning an active social life. Besides, attraction involves lots of biological functions, which doesn’t always translate well to photos and bios online. If your social network is limited, then check out activities that you’ll enjoy and meet other people. So, if you like running, do a running event. If you’re into board games, find something related to that.

Give Chances; Give people you normally wouldn’t a chance. Now, I’m not saying to settle (see next resolution). But, I am talking about this scenario: you meet someone cool and you feel attraction. You get to know him or her and you click. But, since that person “isn’t your type” or is too old, young, short, tall, poor, rich, or anything else you’ve set in your head as an artificial boundary, you are tempted to stop the budding relationship. Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold.

Don’t Settle; While you should always keep an open mind to good people you find attractive (see previous resolution), you don’t want to go the other route where you settle with someone simply because you’re lonely or feel pressure to “settle down.”

 

Ahhh New Year’s Resolutions. They’re a great opportunity to really set ourselves up for some magnificent failures and  remarkable victories in finding LOVE…………amirite?