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There is just something about a long weekend that makes us all feel so much more relaxed than a regular weekend.  The weather can be awful, or you might not be feeling great, it doesn’t matter because you got that long weekend feeling. But if you are single it can feel like an emotional wilderness where interactions are minimal, and you are at odds with one’s capable weekday self.

To counter this, it’s about keep going and look at all the positives. This guy is never in the dumps because he doesn’t have a partner.  He would just love to meet someone who’s active and outdoorsy, and actually interested in him.

He’s an amazing single Dad, in his 40’s, navigating his world running a prominent business in BC and saving time this long weekend for more fun things like hiking , cycling, fishing and is an authentic esteemed chef securing his first ever of the season spot prawns. He is spontaneous, loves travel – so he’s hired us while he enjoys his long weekend.

 

If you are open to meeting a really amazing guy and you are in your 30’s message us to learn more and a chance to meet him, face to face, or pass it on to your best girlfriends, no cost to you.

[email protected]

 

 

 

Most singles believe that LOVE is like a light switch where something flicks on, you get an overwhelming sensation, it hits you like a bag of bricks- or cupid’s arrow. It’s when you know that you’ve found the one, right? NOT SO MUCH!

I’ve learned over the past 20 years working with singles that LOVE, in reality, is a series of choices. The choices are based on many factors, including chemistry, values, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want or need etc. Believe me, the lists are endless, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the person. Based on these factors, and the feedback I get back from the couples I set up on first dates they either choose to begin the process to LOVE or not, in that moment. Simply put, we are left with a choice. That is why it’s so difficult. Love requires you to do something. It might mean putting your everchanging, incredibly unpredictable, and extremely unstable wants and emotions aside. If love were simply an emotion, it’d do you no good.

Everyone is worthy of connection. Make it a priority to embrace connecting with others in your dating life in a healthy way. It will become another tool in your pocket for the next time around.

 

You miss out 100% on the chances you don’t take. Wayne Gretzky appears to be the earliest attributed source of this particular expression.  It makes sense when you have a goal or a dream, but you don’t take a shot at it, you miss the opportunity to score, to win, or to get what you want.

In dating, despite what singles tell themselves, there really are endless opportunities to find love. Unfortunately , too often they’re missed. In fact, if you ask any Matchmaker today, its precisely because of such lost opportunities and missed connections with singles, that is giving cause to look back and wonder “what if”.  Maybe you just don’t want to—while they have every quality you could ever want in someone, there is value in reflecting a little bit on what exactly was missing.

Moral of the story; As I write this, I regularly wonder of the potential missed connections singles are making. Plain and simple, if you’re skeptical, you’re missing out.

Take a chance—open up to possibility by making yourself available.  You Never know!

 

It’s a fact we tend to want to fit in with the person we are dating. Sure, we are all unique, but we want to, as a couple, look untied and as if we “fit”.

You confirm to the environment that you’re in – so it’s only natural that when you’re dating someone, even automatically without knowing – you will start to change your style even a bit so that you blend in with them. Its generally not until you look back at old photos or someone makes a comment that you will realize, they’ve actually taken place.

You’re attracted to your partner for a reason and by being in a relationship with them you’re indirectly saying, “I like the way you do things”.  This isn’t restricted to just the wardrobe either.  If your partner is hell bent on curling chances are you’ve given it a go yourself, or at least watched a couple of games. Same goes in the kitchen, you might be great at cooking Asian, so your partner will probably take on some of your techniques.

But by all means if it gets to the point where you have lost your sense of identity, then you have to wonder whether you are taking on theses attributes because you’re a really great couple, or because you want so desperately for the relationship to work.

After all nobody wants to date themselves, that would be boring.

Can you relate?

 

 

How many of you can honestly say they haven’t made a few mistakes when they meet someone new?  Sometimes good people make bad choices.  It doesn’t mean they are bad….it means they are human. You learn from them and go on because a mistake is one thing. A pattern is another.

There are loads of reasons why getting to a 2nd date might not work out. Perhaps you’re just plain old incompatible, or you’re not sure how to avoid falling foul of these oh-so-frequent behaviours we hear from the 1st dates we set up with our clients.

  • Idealizing your date-Do you actually like them, or are you projecting some dreamed-up version of a perfect match? Putting someone on a pedestal is setting them up for failure. No one can live up to an imagined list.
  • Following your Hormones not your heartWe get it-it’s been a long few years of lockdown and you’re feeling frisky, but don’t dive into intimacy too quickly. Hormones and attachment patterns get us in hook, line, and sinker, almost instantly- whether this is a suitable person or not.
  • Failing to see their flaws-This ties in with the first 2 pitfalls- Ask yourself: are you seeing this person through rose-tinted, loved-up glasses? It’s all too easy to fail to check out ( we don’t mean their social media ) if the person is who they say they are and what they want.

We all learn from our ‘mistakes”, sometimes a very painful lesson, especially in dating.

But others judging is their “mistake”.

Do you have a story to share?

 

#findlove  #datingadvice #datingtips #datingcoach #relationshipadvice #okcupid #dating101 #stayconnected #singlestatus #onlinedating #matchmaking #matchmakerforhire #janecarstens  #matchmakervancouver #vancouvermatchmaker

Most singles love January – they think it’s a time for a new beginning, and to refresh and reset their love lives. Yet, some people like May, when the first signs of summer start and everything feels easy again.

For Matchmakers its February.  It’s always been a fabulous month for us and the month where singles make new things happen.  As a Matchmaker , I’ve been writing blogs about how January is a great time to assess your situation, review you love plans, and kick start the year dating in a positive way.  But for those of you who know me you’ll know that I’m also very firm about one thing: If you don’t get to something in January, that’s no reason to give up.  That’s why I look at January as a warmup and February as the time to truly make things happen.

On a personal note, February has been something of a lucky month for me–20 years ago, in February 2002, I was on a flight from Toronto to Vancouver. Making a big, life-changing decision to leave my corporate job,  picked up my life and moved across the country to start a business in Matchmaking. I was ready to move on and move forward.  I couldn’t wait to hop off the plane and start strategizing.

Fast forward to February 2022, my mission hasn’t changed-  knowing everyone wants love but not everyone can easily find it.  That mission has gotten me out of bed for the last 20 years.

I truly believe, when you are clear about what you want and why you want it, it becomes much easier to keep going and to stay focused, even if it’s taking longer than expected.

For most singles, the New Year is the most proactive season to get out and find love. We all have rituals round many things in our life, and I myself will recommit to conscious eating and more exercise.  This being a seemingly endless season of difficulty and uncertainty for everyone—and yet, as is always the case, singles have never had more of a desire to find love.

So, to mark the passing of 2021 and to ring in 2022, I’m sending you this New Year’s inspired reminder, along with a dating challenge.  Start with an inventory of  lists and in place of resolutions, desire your way into a New Year of dating consciously.

Your challenge:

  1. What parts of dating in the last year worked for you, big or small ?
  2. What did last years dating euphoria leave you yearning for ?
  3. What’s behind you dating anxiety from the most mundane to the dreaded?
  4. What safe dating resources and practices saw you thru that you can rely on in 2022 ?
  5. What would a version of your “wildest dream” date look like, no matter how unrealistic ?

 

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With the new variants and current global climate, we’re in a new stage and phase of dating and there is nothing wrong with you if that’s where your mind is going or if love is what you’re seeking.  We are all trying to get by.

Dating experts and matchmakers- myself included- would advise that it is in every singles best interest to meet a potential match in real life as soon as possible, to avoid wasting your time and emotional energy investing in someone you many not have chemistry with.

For starters, now’s your chance to focus on quality over quantity.  Dating apps have always dictated the more the merrier, and many users are often talking to various people at once, continually looking for the next best thing and moving on to another at the first sign of boredom or doubt. In matchmaking and real life, you allow yourself to open up and engage with one person, dive deeper into less superficial conversations, therefore creating stronger connections, to roll with it and see what can come.

Which brings me to my next point if you’re looking for love: the more that you’re not distracted by dating apps usual fast pace, you can see a missed connection for what it is.  Go with what makes you feel comfortable, and just because you know other singles are hopping on the FaceTime/Zoom/phone call/texting bandwagon, doesn’t mean you have to follow suit.

The media & TV, you see, contributes to the failure of many relationship expectations around the world.  Glamorizing and magnifying fairy tales that cause us – women especially- to have unrealistic expectations about how successful romantic relationships are found and maintained and when you think dating becomes a challenging situation it becomes pervasive in your life.

Sometimes the impact is so great that it has virtually obliterated thoughts around dating creating worst case scenarios leaving singles exhausted and sabotaging their own relationship goals that you can’t get out.  How whacked is that?

Fortunately, there are several methods to stop this trouble-making pattern of thought – which over the last 20 years, I got to share with many of my matchmaking clients.  Getting back to traditional ways involving two people who are actually suitable for each other (imagine that) and who, with a little help from extended support often build a successful relationship…..over time.

Let’s be honest, not everyone is prepared for the full matchmaking experience and that’s okay —knowing a thing or two about what works and just having someone there to help can make all the difference.

Email me [email protected]   for a complimentary call and I can tell you more about my new offer, Matchmaker on Demand.

 

There is no secret in finding the right partner (we do it everyday)!

Thanks so much to hosts Robin Farrell & Chelsea Smith on their very popular Vancouver Island hosted podcast “Don’t Mind if We Do”.  Come join us. There is always room for one more at their table and we shared a lot of laughs and fun chatting ways on how to take the guesswork out of finding your person in the landscape of todays dating.

 

Need some help or know someone who does?  Send them the link below and have a listen. Episode 9 “Matchmaker Matchmaker…Make me a Match!”

https://podfollow.com/dont-mind-if-we-do/view

 

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