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Aren’t you supposed to learn to like my Quirks?

 

Apparently not.

Most of the singles I meet have had their fair share of down-and-out dating moments.  Dates that end with a follow up text detailing all of your first date faux pas, the list goes on (and on).  So , I have a lot of empathy for all you dating warriors, who keep putting yourselves out there, trying to figure out what the other side wants, striving to be open to, and have enthusiasm for…… I don’t know, falling in LOVE.

All these things start to make me think that perhaps we’ve lost an important virtue on our way to finding a relationship;  HUMILITY.

I’m not talking about letting every bad date be proof of what’s wrong with you or your expectations, but humility is acknowledging that maybe we could do a better job of not being so hung up on ourselves and our non negotiables, and  that we can acknowledge these faults and start getting out of our own way on the path to finding a partner. Sure, we all deserve our own meet-cute, charming moments, that we can forget that we’re all flawed.  That’s the part that makes up beautiful and interesting. And it’s also part of what makes us annoying.

Truth be known, once you take a moment to swallow your pride, you might find how you learn to reconsider your habits in dating—its empowering– and therapeutic in a world where so much nonsense dating behavior is out of your hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Take Me Home for the Holidays

 

If you have been dating someone new for a while now, and your relationship is getting serious as the holidays approach–so you ask–they agree–you suddenly PANIC!

Meeting the parents is a nerve-wracking experience for everyone, but it also means your relationship is going great!  While you are thrilled to be in love and share the holidays, its normal to feel hesitant thinking about all the family dynamics, quirks and history shared back at home.

Before you go try to remember:

  • Your family will be thrilled to see you and they are likely also just as excited, nervous, and somewhat cautious.
  • If your family members don’t react to your new love the way you had expected, try to cut them some slack.
  • Ease up on expectations, prep your partner and family as much as you can ahead of time and relax into the season with those you love.

 

Do you have a holiday dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

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Unsolicited Dating Advice

A lot of singles have difficulty navigating their own conflicting views of dating. And there is this age-old dilemma for our friends/family who have life experiences, know us, and want to use it to help us from making mistakes.  But guess again, most singles see the interventions as intrusive and crossing a boundary usually creating uncertainty, doubt, and a disbelief that this is how things should go.

Matchmakers, along with relationship coaches have altruistic intentions.  Instead of telling our clients how to live their dating life, we help them manage the feedback, and ask them how we can help.  This allows our clients to feel safe in their boundaries and empowered to respectfully accept or reject the offer.  Listening and asking questions is more valuable than telling people what to do.

Just this week I had a couple out on a 2nd date and after a week of disbelief how things actually went, just needed a little acknowledgement that things were in fact going well.  They are now going on date #3.

Simply being there, validating, cheering them on, giving them virtually hugs mean more than an instruction manual.

 

 

Do you have an unsolicited dating experience like this that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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What do you Vet in the Dating Process?

 

Too many people see dating as an endgame, in which they must score their goal of finding a partner as fast as possible and getting frustrated in the process.

Have the self-confidence to listen and learn while also having companionship, recreation, and entertainment. Going to dinner, a movie, or even for a walk with a person gives you a window into another person’s view of life, his/her background, and experiences. Too much focus on whether this person is “The One” and how he/she is reacting to you will inevitably keep you single.

Lately, many of the singles I speak to are dating A LOT leaving less than 5% of those dates with any real potential connection and they are more than ready to step up the quality of their dates over the quantity.

Be very choosy.  Love may come, but meanwhile, you can still have a lot of great dates with people who are interesting, fun, or both.

 

 

 

Do you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below.

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Real People looking for Real Relationships

It’s never been easier to meet someone online but landing a real date in a traditional setting feels like fishing in the Dead Sea; IMPOSSIBLE.  With life online an ever-present reality, MATCHMAKING still is one of the best ways to date.  The best part? It actually works.

So, what gives matchmaking the secret sauce ? It has to do with the in person sign-up process, questions are practical, allowing you to be picky with your preferences based on actual date feedback and we’re not afraid to set up dates for you to meet in person quickly which helps you open up earlier than you normally would. I have been matchmaking for over 20 years, helping  daters spanning all age groups find long-term relationships, not to mention perfecting our strategy over the years and most of our clients are dating someone within six months.

If you really want to meet someone, you need to reach out to us. [email protected] 

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Rethinking Dating

 

The vast array of dating apps has skewed our sense on the real-world of dating by dangling the prospect of another better match, based on a perception of algorithmic decisions,  merely a swipe away. The forced isolation of the pandemic, and the attempts that many people made to work around it, has put an unexpected lens on modern-day intimacy. It’s become a natural part of dating and seeking a partner.  Sound familiar?  What I have noticed from the new clients I meet is that they have had a hard time believing there is someone out there.

 “Just as I have resigned to enjoying my own company and not concerning myself with a need to be partnered, you come along and give me a pat on the back. You sure know how to perk a guy up ;)”….client quote

Relationships take a leap of faith and work.  I know personally how tough it is to allow yourself to be vulnerable this time around. Know you are older and smarter than before. And if you need someone to support and help you give yourself the best chance of finding love, then let’s schedule a time to talk.

If you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us, tell us in the comments section below.

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That Long Weekend Single Feeling

 

There is just something about a long weekend that makes us all feel so much more relaxed than a regular weekend.  The weather can be awful, or you might not be feeling great, it doesn’t matter because you got that long weekend feeling. But if you are single it can feel like an emotional wilderness where interactions are minimal, and you are at odds with one’s capable weekday self.

To counter this, it’s about keep going and look at all the positives. This guy is never in the dumps because he doesn’t have a partner.  He would just love to meet someone who’s active and outdoorsy, and actually interested in him.

He’s an amazing single Dad, in his 40’s, navigating his world running a prominent business in BC and saving time this long weekend for more fun things like hiking , cycling, fishing and is an authentic esteemed chef securing his first ever of the season spot prawns. He is spontaneous, loves travel – so he’s hired us while he enjoys his long weekend.

 

If you are open to meeting a really amazing guy and you are in your 30’s message us to learn more and a chance to meet him, face to face, or pass it on to your best girlfriends, no cost to you.

[email protected]

 

 

 

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Love Isn’t a Feeling, It’s A Choice

Most singles believe that LOVE is like a light switch where something flicks on, you get an overwhelming sensation, it hits you like a bag of bricks- or cupid’s arrow. It’s when you know that you’ve found the one, right? NOT SO MUCH!

I’ve learned over the past 20 years working with singles that LOVE, in reality, is a series of choices. The choices are based on many factors, including chemistry, values, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want or need etc. Believe me, the lists are endless, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the person. Based on these factors, and the feedback I get back from the couples I set up on first dates they either choose to begin the process to LOVE or not, in that moment. Simply put, we are left with a choice. That is why it’s so difficult. Love requires you to do something. It might mean putting your everchanging, incredibly unpredictable, and extremely unstable wants and emotions aside. If love were simply an emotion, it’d do you no good.

Everyone is worthy of connection. Make it a priority to embrace connecting with others in your dating life in a healthy way. It will become another tool in your pocket for the next time around.

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If you’re Skeptical, you’re Missing Out.

 

You miss out 100% on the chances you don’t take. Wayne Gretzky appears to be the earliest attributed source of this particular expression.  It makes sense when you have a goal or a dream, but you don’t take a shot at it, you miss the opportunity to score, to win, or to get what you want.

In dating, despite what singles tell themselves, there really are endless opportunities to find love. Unfortunately , too often they’re missed. In fact, if you ask any Matchmaker today, its precisely because of such lost opportunities and missed connections with singles, that is giving cause to look back and wonder “what if”.  Maybe you just don’t want to—while they have every quality you could ever want in someone, there is value in reflecting a little bit on what exactly was missing.

Moral of the story; As I write this, I regularly wonder of the potential missed connections singles are making. Plain and simple, if you’re skeptical, you’re missing out.

Take a chance—open up to possibility by making yourself available.  You Never know!

 

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Getting Matchy-Matchy

It’s a fact we tend to want to fit in with the person we are dating. Sure, we are all unique, but we want to, as a couple, look untied and as if we “fit”.

You confirm to the environment that you’re in – so it’s only natural that when you’re dating someone, even automatically without knowing – you will start to change your style even a bit so that you blend in with them. Its generally not until you look back at old photos or someone makes a comment that you will realize, they’ve actually taken place.

You’re attracted to your partner for a reason and by being in a relationship with them you’re indirectly saying, “I like the way you do things”.  This isn’t restricted to just the wardrobe either.  If your partner is hell bent on curling chances are you’ve given it a go yourself, or at least watched a couple of games. Same goes in the kitchen, you might be great at cooking Asian, so your partner will probably take on some of your techniques.

But by all means if it gets to the point where you have lost your sense of identity, then you have to wonder whether you are taking on theses attributes because you’re a really great couple, or because you want so desperately for the relationship to work.

After all nobody wants to date themselves, that would be boring.

Can you relate?

 

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