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Do you Skip the Small Talk ?

                                                                     

If you are turned on by intelligence, you’re a sapiosexual. If this describes you, and you are looking for a partner, here is a few tips that are essential.

  • You reach out on a dating app or on a face-to-face 1st date and try to get past the small talk as quickly as possible. Whilst other people  wade into talk about the weather, you just dive right into it. This will be the best conversations to assess their intellectual interests and whether it’s a match for you.
  • Don’t worry about seeming too nerdy. Go right ahead and geek out over board games, trivia nights and other stimulating activities. It’s a vibe that will attract like-minded partners.
  • And the clients I speak to say the attraction was less about having an advanced degree than about someone’s perspective or curiosity.  Its entirely subjective and its no different from saying I’m attracted to brunette girls, or tall guys. Its not some sort of strict rule.  Its just an indicator of what you know about yourself in terms of what tends to push our buttons in order to feel attraction.

Of course, you still will have to go on a few dates to find someone you’re attracted to, but once you do, you might find you have those core values in line with the other person.

Never apologize for what you are attracted to—–we like what we like!

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Believe in True Love? I hope you do!

 

Dating takes resilience.  And the more opportunities you give yourself, the better the chances you’ll find that person.  So maybe its not so surprising and even more encouraging that 90% of the singles I speak to who believe in true love say they know this because they have experienced it.  It’s the strongest emotion we’ll ever feel. So, I set off and researched what professors are saying.  So here you go;

Scientists say that there are three stages of love- lust, romantic obsession, and long-term attachment. 

Stage 1; Let’s start with LUST (who wouldn’t) and that took me to the beach at spring break in Fort Lauderdale….can you relate?

Stage 2; Romantic obsession, or attraction. You’re obsessed, it takes over your whole life, like a state of need, you can’t eat, sleep, or think straight. Sounds like a scene from a movie.  Can’t imagine a world with everyone in that state of romantic obsession. We’d all be nuts.

Stage 3; Which is why, with any luck, romantic obsession becomes Attachment. So, I reconnected with a couple I matched 20 years ago, that was certainly still attached with a combined 4 children, 15 grandchildren, and a couple of great grandchildren.

I came away from this with a renewed sense that true love does really exist. Part of being a matchmaker is, you know, trying to solve the unsolvable. What brings two singles together? What makes people stay together?  I guess there are no real-life answers as there is there is no research on the work that it takes to sustain it over a long period of time. I’m not sure why, maybe because it boring!!!!….like the day in and day out of who’s getting the toilet paper.

 

Your comments?

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Dating; Our Best is All We Can Do

 

I’ve been pondering the comments and conversations I’ve had from my last weeks blog about the changes in dating habits– so many equally different reactions.

For me, I’ve been watching the full range of feedback of things that singles say and the ways they show up – or don’t, on a date for over 2 decades. That may seem inconsequential, but it’s anything but.  I’ve also come not to believe that singles are good because they showed up well, or bad on a date, because they didn’t. We all have differing capabilities and we’re all carrying personal burdens and its not a test or judgement of your quality as a potential partner or your capacity for finding LOVE.

So even if someone you meet on a date that is acting in ways you don’t particularly like, it’s such a relief to think, “they’re doing their best” without attachments to the outcome.  It will come back as grace for yourself when you inevitably make your own missteps.

There is truth to the fact that our best is all we can do.

 

In closing, think of a date from the past that you replay in your mind, good or bad.  Write about what you did, what you learned from it, and whether the knowledge has changed your actions —or how it might— in dating and finding love .

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The Difference a Matchmaker can Make!

 

 

“We had a great drink date. She is everything you said she was.  I’m cautiously optimistic, but it was probably one of the best dates that I have ever had”

Outsourcing your love life and dating with intention is becoming more and more mainstream especially as we enter into 2023 on the right note.

While all dating systems aim to pair people up, in matchmaking, it’s more specific.  You are paired with carefully reviewed potential dates with similar interests and hobbies, and ones who have the best shot at developing a romantic relationship with you.

Any experienced Matchmaker can;

  • Reduce the volume of potential dates and focus purely on quality and zero in on someone with the highest potential and be somewhat assured that your dates genuinely are looking for a long-term relationship too.
  • Rigorously screening clients, and questions getting specific as it can get, proves to have greater results.
  • Simply put, we can help you get the date, but it’s up to you how to stay there once you’ve made the connection.

 

 

Do you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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Santa-Dating Game

 

It’s known to be the perfect stocking stuffer to gift this holiday season.  A bushy beard, twinkly eyes and a belly that shakes like a bowl of jelly, starring the hunkydory sleigh-rider. Not one but six Santa’s that are all very attracted to you.

Which kind of Santa’s could you end up with? Well, there’s Sexy Santa, Secret Santa, Sleepy Santa, Sad Santa, Saintly Santa and the best one of all, Sassy Santa. In addition, it boasts 12 possible endings.

It sounds like the profile list of must-haves for every girl who is single.

 

Do you have a Santa dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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Take Me Home for the Holidays

 

If you have been dating someone new for a while now, and your relationship is getting serious as the holidays approach–so you ask–they agree–you suddenly PANIC!

Meeting the parents is a nerve-wracking experience for everyone, but it also means your relationship is going great!  While you are thrilled to be in love and share the holidays, its normal to feel hesitant thinking about all the family dynamics, quirks and history shared back at home.

Before you go try to remember:

  • Your family will be thrilled to see you and they are likely also just as excited, nervous, and somewhat cautious.
  • If your family members don’t react to your new love the way you had expected, try to cut them some slack.
  • Ease up on expectations, prep your partner and family as much as you can ahead of time and relax into the season with those you love.

 

Do you have a holiday dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

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Rethinking Dating

 

The vast array of dating apps has skewed our sense on the real-world of dating by dangling the prospect of another better match, based on a perception of algorithmic decisions,  merely a swipe away. The forced isolation of the pandemic, and the attempts that many people made to work around it, has put an unexpected lens on modern-day intimacy. It’s become a natural part of dating and seeking a partner.  Sound familiar?  What I have noticed from the new clients I meet is that they have had a hard time believing there is someone out there.

 “Just as I have resigned to enjoying my own company and not concerning myself with a need to be partnered, you come along and give me a pat on the back. You sure know how to perk a guy up ;)”….client quote

Relationships take a leap of faith and work.  I know personally how tough it is to allow yourself to be vulnerable this time around. Know you are older and smarter than before. And if you need someone to support and help you give yourself the best chance of finding love, then let’s schedule a time to talk.

If you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us, tell us in the comments section below.

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A Single Father in Love, Again

 

Single parents, Dad, or Mom, navigate “dating” again with some history under their belts.

Kids and some requirements for what’s OK and what they simply won’t ever do again. The rules are very different, and the experience gives them some distinct advantages in terms of recognizing what they don’t want and are willing to wait enthusiastically. But don’t worry, even though the single parents I speak to might have a couple of kids, and a full-time job, they still like to find time to be with someone.

There are never any hard rules, but here are a few basic points single fathers talk about;

  • I don’t want a “date.” I don’t want nice. I want my next relationship to start out with the potential going the long distance. I’ve never been a casual dater. And asking someone out on a date is nerve-wracking. Let’s hook up, wait, I mean, let’s go out on a date.
  • If you have kids, we’ve got an immediate starting point for everything. Trying to talk about your kids with a woman who’s not a mom… Well, they just don’t get it.
  • Games of any kind are an immediate timeout. One thing I will tell a first date is, “You can ask me anything. In fact, I prefer the hard questions. I’m trying to learn the answers myself. I will always try to answer honestly.
  • It may take several months to get in our first four dates, but… Like I said earlier, we shouldn’t be in a hurry.
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That Long Weekend Single Feeling

 

There is just something about a long weekend that makes us all feel so much more relaxed than a regular weekend.  The weather can be awful, or you might not be feeling great, it doesn’t matter because you got that long weekend feeling. But if you are single it can feel like an emotional wilderness where interactions are minimal, and you are at odds with one’s capable weekday self.

To counter this, it’s about keep going and look at all the positives. This guy is never in the dumps because he doesn’t have a partner.  He would just love to meet someone who’s active and outdoorsy, and actually interested in him.

He’s an amazing single Dad, in his 40’s, navigating his world running a prominent business in BC and saving time this long weekend for more fun things like hiking , cycling, fishing and is an authentic esteemed chef securing his first ever of the season spot prawns. He is spontaneous, loves travel – so he’s hired us while he enjoys his long weekend.

 

If you are open to meeting a really amazing guy and you are in your 30’s message us to learn more and a chance to meet him, face to face, or pass it on to your best girlfriends, no cost to you.

[email protected]

 

 

 

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Love Isn’t a Feeling, It’s A Choice

Most singles believe that LOVE is like a light switch where something flicks on, you get an overwhelming sensation, it hits you like a bag of bricks- or cupid’s arrow. It’s when you know that you’ve found the one, right? NOT SO MUCH!

I’ve learned over the past 20 years working with singles that LOVE, in reality, is a series of choices. The choices are based on many factors, including chemistry, values, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want or need etc. Believe me, the lists are endless, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the person. Based on these factors, and the feedback I get back from the couples I set up on first dates they either choose to begin the process to LOVE or not, in that moment. Simply put, we are left with a choice. That is why it’s so difficult. Love requires you to do something. It might mean putting your everchanging, incredibly unpredictable, and extremely unstable wants and emotions aside. If love were simply an emotion, it’d do you no good.

Everyone is worthy of connection. Make it a priority to embrace connecting with others in your dating life in a healthy way. It will become another tool in your pocket for the next time around.

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