How to Be Your Own Matchmaker

Here’s an article that I wrote and was published in the Vancouver Sun and the Victoria Times Colonist:

 You’re single, profiled on multiple Internet dating sites and still you’re facing the prospect of another month without a successful date or relationship. You can always hire a professional matchmaker like me to find you your soul-mate, but with a little work and a little knowledge there’s no reason you can’t be your own matchmaker. As a professional matchmaker I’ve learned a lot about finding, interviewing and matching the right people for long and satisfying relationships. The biggest secret to finding the right mate is the ability to be proactive.

There are basically three steps in finding a successful relationship proactively, you:

* Create a soul-mate wish list

* Get the message out to the world.

* Pick from the respondents and start dating

The first and most important step in the process is to decide what you want in a potential mate. This may seem obvious but most people have only a vague idea, if at all, of what it is they want in a mate.  Take some time and write it down, then list which qualities are negotiable and which are not.  One way to kick-start this process is to begin by making a list of all of your past relationships. Write down the role you played in each relationship, what your responsibilities were, how the relationship ended, and lessons learned. With this information, a picture will emerge of who you are and what you’re looking for in a potential mate; this list of qualities will be your Soul Mate Wish List.

When building your Soul Mate Wish List, make sure that the criteria you choose for your potential mate are reasonable:

* Unreasonable expectations include: non negotiable requirements of physical
appearance; you refuse to date someone unless they have a certain amount of
money; the insistence that your potential mate share all of your interests or
that they live a short distance away.

* Reasonable expectations include: some sort of spark between the two of you,
you want someone who finds you amusing and exciting, you want someone that
shares both your basic view of the world and a willingness to be in a long term
relationship.

Now that you have your Soul Mate Wish List, you need to get it out in the world. You do this by utilizing your existing network of family friends and co-workers.  Write a short note telling your personal network (friends, family, workmates,etc.) what you intend to do, i.e. “I’m single and I’m actively searching out a new relationship” and include your Soul Mate Wish List, then email everyone in your address book, post your soul-mate wish list on Facebook, or Twitter.

Ask your network to read your Soul Mate Wish List carefully and ask them to get back to you if they know anyone that fits your wish-list and then ask them to forward your email to their network of family and friends and so on.

Another way of getting your message out to the world is to place and ad in the local paper. Costs can range anywhere from fifty dollars for an ad in the personal section, to a thousand dollars or more for a stand alone ad in the front section of a newspaper. A thousand dollar ad shows that you mean business, and who knows the papers or radio and TV may pick up the story.  The secret to writing a compelling ad copy is honesty. State your intention in the first line of the ad, go on to describe yourself, describe what you are looking for in a mate, and end it with a call for action statement. Check out the Private Partner Search <http://matchmakerforhire.com/services/private-search-services/>  section of  my website for examples.

You’ve written a Soul Mate Wish List, told the world of your intentions; the replies start to come in, now it’s time to pick who you’ll go on a date with.

• One of the big lessons I’ve have learned over the years is to never make a decision on a  picture of a potential match.
  I have numerous examples in my work of couples that would never have met the people they are married to today if they had followed their first instincts and not met because they saw each other’s pictures. The truth is 99 percent of us take a less than flattering picture.
• Don’t discount a potential partner because of their phone manner; I always insist that the people I match meet each other, even if their initial contact on the telephone did not go well.
• Don’t start an online email or chat type relationship. It can be a huge waste of time. You tend to project your needs much more in an online relationship and when you finally meet your dream forever partner you find that without the mystery of the online component there is absolutely no spark, no chemistry and a huge emotional investment just went down the drain.
• Do meet the with your potential soul mates after a quick phone call, after all the only way you can gage the chemistry factor is face to face.

 

Now for the fun part, get out there and start dating. There is no secret in finding the right partner (I do it every day); persistence, and the ability to be proactive are all you’ll need to narrow the search, fulfill your Soul Mate Wish List and meet that someone special.