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Not Interested? Just Say So.

 

Most singles often don’t know how to express what’s going on for them when dating is not working. It might be they simply don’t understand why its not working or know how to explain it. Its like you could literally run a mile away from it, and its making single people not want to go on ANY dates.

The dating scene has completely evolved over the last decade where I have played cupid. One factor that makes dating harder is finding someone looking for the same type of relationship. Over 50% of the singles I speak to lately, indicate that this factor is a problem.  People define relationships differently, and they have different approaches to beginning one.  Trying to date someone who does not indicate wanting to take the relationship the next level can be frustrating. That is why it’s important to simply ask where someone is at and be honest with your hopes.

What if one could simply and politely say: “Hey I enjoyed spending time with you and would like to keep getting to know you” and give them an out if they’re not feeling the same way (e.g. “and yet, if you’re not interested, zero hard feelings.  I’d just like to know where you’re at”)

Who here agrees? Thoughts…

 

 

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Do you Skip the Small Talk ?

                                                                     

If you are turned on by intelligence, you’re a sapiosexual. If this describes you, and you are looking for a partner, here is a few tips that are essential.

  • You reach out on a dating app or on a face-to-face 1st date and try to get past the small talk as quickly as possible. Whilst other people  wade into talk about the weather, you just dive right into it. This will be the best conversations to assess their intellectual interests and whether it’s a match for you.
  • Don’t worry about seeming too nerdy. Go right ahead and geek out over board games, trivia nights and other stimulating activities. It’s a vibe that will attract like-minded partners.
  • And the clients I speak to say the attraction was less about having an advanced degree than about someone’s perspective or curiosity.  Its entirely subjective and its no different from saying I’m attracted to brunette girls, or tall guys. Its not some sort of strict rule.  Its just an indicator of what you know about yourself in terms of what tends to push our buttons in order to feel attraction.

Of course, you still will have to go on a few dates to find someone you’re attracted to, but once you do, you might find you have those core values in line with the other person.

Never apologize for what you are attracted to—–we like what we like!

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“She’s the right person, the trade offs are worth it!”

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a great partner all around. Sometimes one has a clear and realistic understanding of love.  One might not.  One might idealize love as the solution to all of their problems.  One might not.

In today’s culture, many of us idealize love and see it as some lofty cure-all for all life’s problems and as a result we pay a price in the process of finding it. Healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions  and that success hinges on deeper more important values.

When I started working with Single Dad CJ in his 40’s, with his quest for a partner, he not only used his heart, but his mind.  Sure, he wanted to find someone who makes his  heart flutter, but he was able to evaluate his dates values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and moral compass in general.  His theory if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you ….well, you’re going to have a bad time.  And he was able to think outside of himself and his own needs and to help care for another person and their needs as well.

Were the trade offs worth it?

“Hell yes, I love her to bits, and we are talking long term plans. I really can’t ask for anything more at this point” .  

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The Difference a Matchmaker can Make!

 

 

“We had a great drink date. She is everything you said she was.  I’m cautiously optimistic, but it was probably one of the best dates that I have ever had”

Outsourcing your love life and dating with intention is becoming more and more mainstream especially as we enter into 2023 on the right note.

While all dating systems aim to pair people up, in matchmaking, it’s more specific.  You are paired with carefully reviewed potential dates with similar interests and hobbies, and ones who have the best shot at developing a romantic relationship with you.

Any experienced Matchmaker can;

  • Reduce the volume of potential dates and focus purely on quality and zero in on someone with the highest potential and be somewhat assured that your dates genuinely are looking for a long-term relationship too.
  • Rigorously screening clients, and questions getting specific as it can get, proves to have greater results.
  • Simply put, we can help you get the date, but it’s up to you how to stay there once you’ve made the connection.

 

 

Do you have a dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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Take Me Home for the Holidays

 

If you have been dating someone new for a while now, and your relationship is getting serious as the holidays approach–so you ask–they agree–you suddenly PANIC!

Meeting the parents is a nerve-wracking experience for everyone, but it also means your relationship is going great!  While you are thrilled to be in love and share the holidays, its normal to feel hesitant thinking about all the family dynamics, quirks and history shared back at home.

Before you go try to remember:

  • Your family will be thrilled to see you and they are likely also just as excited, nervous, and somewhat cautious.
  • If your family members don’t react to your new love the way you had expected, try to cut them some slack.
  • Ease up on expectations, prep your partner and family as much as you can ahead of time and relax into the season with those you love.

 

Do you have a holiday dating experience that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

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How to Define your Relationship

 

 

 

For some people, using the “boyfriend and girlfriend” titles is a big deal. It can be a significant step in where the relationship is going. Many couples see this a sign of commitment – or at least that they intend to have a long-term relationship.

Some people choose to use the term “lover” when they are in a more relaxed relationship where they are just dating or might be sexually involved. In most long-lasting relationships, the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” will be used.

It’s important to know that all relationships evolve and change over time and may need a revisit.  And its also important to know the difference between the two types of relationships so you know what type of relationship you are truly in.

Do you have a dating experience defining a relationship that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

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Unsolicited Dating Advice

A lot of singles have difficulty navigating their own conflicting views of dating. And there is this age-old dilemma for our friends/family who have life experiences, know us, and want to use it to help us from making mistakes.  But guess again, most singles see the interventions as intrusive and crossing a boundary usually creating uncertainty, doubt, and a disbelief that this is how things should go.

Matchmakers, along with relationship coaches have altruistic intentions.  Instead of telling our clients how to live their dating life, we help them manage the feedback, and ask them how we can help.  This allows our clients to feel safe in their boundaries and empowered to respectfully accept or reject the offer.  Listening and asking questions is more valuable than telling people what to do.

Just this week I had a couple out on a 2nd date and after a week of disbelief how things actually went, just needed a little acknowledgement that things were in fact going well.  They are now going on date #3.

Simply being there, validating, cheering them on, giving them virtually hugs mean more than an instruction manual.

 

 

Do you have an unsolicited dating experience like this that you would like to share with us? Go on, then, tell us in the comments section below. 

 

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Real People looking for Real Relationships

It’s never been easier to meet someone online but landing a real date in a traditional setting feels like fishing in the Dead Sea; IMPOSSIBLE.  With life online an ever-present reality, MATCHMAKING still is one of the best ways to date.  The best part? It actually works.

So, what gives matchmaking the secret sauce ? It has to do with the in person sign-up process, questions are practical, allowing you to be picky with your preferences based on actual date feedback and we’re not afraid to set up dates for you to meet in person quickly which helps you open up earlier than you normally would. I have been matchmaking for over 20 years, helping  daters spanning all age groups find long-term relationships, not to mention perfecting our strategy over the years and most of our clients are dating someone within six months.

If you really want to meet someone, you need to reach out to us. [email protected] 

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That Long Weekend Single Feeling

 

There is just something about a long weekend that makes us all feel so much more relaxed than a regular weekend.  The weather can be awful, or you might not be feeling great, it doesn’t matter because you got that long weekend feeling. But if you are single it can feel like an emotional wilderness where interactions are minimal, and you are at odds with one’s capable weekday self.

To counter this, it’s about keep going and look at all the positives. This guy is never in the dumps because he doesn’t have a partner.  He would just love to meet someone who’s active and outdoorsy, and actually interested in him.

He’s an amazing single Dad, in his 40’s, navigating his world running a prominent business in BC and saving time this long weekend for more fun things like hiking , cycling, fishing and is an authentic esteemed chef securing his first ever of the season spot prawns. He is spontaneous, loves travel – so he’s hired us while he enjoys his long weekend.

 

If you are open to meeting a really amazing guy and you are in your 30’s message us to learn more and a chance to meet him, face to face, or pass it on to your best girlfriends, no cost to you.

[email protected]

 

 

 

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Love Isn’t a Feeling, It’s A Choice

Most singles believe that LOVE is like a light switch where something flicks on, you get an overwhelming sensation, it hits you like a bag of bricks- or cupid’s arrow. It’s when you know that you’ve found the one, right? NOT SO MUCH!

I’ve learned over the past 20 years working with singles that LOVE, in reality, is a series of choices. The choices are based on many factors, including chemistry, values, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want or need etc. Believe me, the lists are endless, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the person. Based on these factors, and the feedback I get back from the couples I set up on first dates they either choose to begin the process to LOVE or not, in that moment. Simply put, we are left with a choice. That is why it’s so difficult. Love requires you to do something. It might mean putting your everchanging, incredibly unpredictable, and extremely unstable wants and emotions aside. If love were simply an emotion, it’d do you no good.

Everyone is worthy of connection. Make it a priority to embrace connecting with others in your dating life in a healthy way. It will become another tool in your pocket for the next time around.

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