Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a great partner all around. Sometimes one has a clear and realistic understanding of love. One might not. One might idealize love as the solution to all of their problems. One might not.
In today’s culture, many of us idealize love and see it as some lofty cure-all for all life’s problems and as a result we pay a price in the process of finding it. Healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions and that success hinges on deeper more important values.
When I started working with Single Dad CJ in his 40’s, with his quest for a partner, he not only used his heart, but his mind. Sure, he wanted to find someone who makes his heart flutter, but he was able to evaluate his dates values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and moral compass in general. His theory if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you ….well, you’re going to have a bad time. And he was able to think outside of himself and his own needs and to help care for another person and their needs as well.
Were the trade offs worth it?
“Hell yes, I love her to bits, and we are talking long term plans. I really can’t ask for anything more at this point” .