Dating apps. I hate and love them at the same time. They can be great because we meet someone we’d never normally meet, but what are the downsides? Tinder came out in 2012 and that was the first dating app created. Nearly eight years later, with so many different dating apps on the market, are they helping or hurting our society?
I’m Laura Jacobs, and I’m a professional Matchmaker. While my profession is as old as time, the emergence of dating apps has vastly changed the landscape of dating today and makes my job extremely interesting.
The biggest question I get is “Well, why do I
need you? I can just go on Bumble or Tinder and find someone….I don’t need a
matchmaker.” If I had a penny for every time I heard this, I’d be rolling in it,
yet people are still dissatisfied beyond belief. They are still single, they
are still searching every app looking for the “next best thing” out there. They
are still afraid of commitment, and some are even using dating apps as pure
“entertainment,” forgetting that there are actual people with emotions on the
other side of the photos they’re swiping left or right on.
I believe gender roles also have a part to play
in all this confusion. I am a millennial, and when my baby boomer parents met,
my father approached my mother, in person. If you are also a millennial, you
likely have similar stories from your parents and grandparents of how they met.
Why is this? Because back then the man had no choice but to walk up to a woman,
he found attractive and say hi to her. There was no other option! He wasn’t
going to go on his smartphone later and swipe away at other women. Therefore,
the risk of rejection was worth the price to talk to that woman. I don’t know
about you, but the last time I heard a girlfriend say a guy came up to her as a
total stranger and said “hi” was, never. Isn’t that sad? And herein lies the problem. We’re all
confused now. Who is supposed to approach who?
We live a half-life in a digital world, glued to our phones. Why would a
man come up to a woman in life and risk that rejection when he can just do
things the easy way and swipe left or right? Apps trick us into thinking we
have unlimited options and don’t need to take risks anymore in our real lives
when it comes to love.
The disconnect here is women are still raised
with something I like to call “Princess Mentality.” Disney Plus just came out,
and I was re watching the classics I grew up with. Little Mermaid, Beauty and
the Beast and Cinderella. What do these stories have in common? The Princess
meets a Prince who once he sees her, is totally devoted to her and doesn’t
second guess his feelings or go swiping for other Princesses! He knows she’s
the one. I suppose we all search for that feeling. As women, we want men to be
sure of us, and how can they be when now they are thrown thousands of other
options virtually every single day?
I asked different men and women their main
complaints with dating apps and these are just some of the things I heard.
One woman said she felt due to all the other
“options” out there, she had to be unrealistically impressive on every single
date she went on. She also felt once she went on two or three dates with one
man, he got bored. He stopped texting as much because he wanted something “new”
and “exciting.”
One man admitted to me he used apps for
“entertainment” and didn’t take them seriously. When I inquired further as to what
he meant, he said “well I’m not going to meet my wife on a dating app, those
are for hookups and just seeing what’s out there.” This harsh truth surprised
me. Many men have told me the same thing that they don’t take women seriously
who they meet on apps.
One man
told me “I use them when I’m bored, not when I’m looking for an actual
relationship.”
The truth hurts. Yet it’s a vicious cycle
because as women, how are we supposed to meet men any other way when societally
we are all conditioned thinking men should approach us and ask us out, yet
barely any of them are doing that anymore due to dating apps?
Let me also clarify and say that by no means am
I saying that women can’t be guilty of using dating apps for the superficial
reasons too, but it generally wasn’t the feedback I got. As a woman myself, I must
emphasize and relate to the way men shamelessly act on dating apps.
Hypothetically, that guy who asked you to come over for Netflix and chill and
doesn’t even know you COULD be a good guy, but he doesn’t take this app
seriously, or you.
I became a matchmaker because I truly believe in
love. I also love connecting people and helping them find love. There is
nothing more fulfilling then hearing I helped two people find a loving
relationship. I use my intuition every day to “feel” who would be a good match
for one another. I interview a client for over an hour sometimes, finding out
what they are looking for, and more importantly, WHO they are. Someone going to
a matchmaker, is tired of the regular methods and wants to get serious about
their love life. We set up dates with
caution and care. I’m not sending my clients unlimited options, because all you
need is one. All you need is that ONE person to be a game changer for you. You
don’t need to swipe hundreds of people. After I meet a client, I sit down and
wonder who would be good for them based on what they’re looking for. My clients
also trust me. I met a client yesterday after I convinced him to go out with a
girl who is not usually his physical type, but I said, “please trust me.” He
reported back to me that they had a great date and he was so pleasantly
surprised by her and would see her again. As a matchmaker I “vet” each person
that comes into my office. You aren’t meeting some stranger off Bumble you saw
3 photos of, you are meeting someone I vouch for, a quality person. You are
meeting someone you read an extensive bio on who is looking for a meaningful
connection.
I predict with the rise of technology the use of matchmakers for my generation will become more mainstream. People are tired of being overlooked on apps. They are tired of not being taken seriously. One thing that makes us human is our desire to connect to each other. Love is the optimum connection, and Matchmakers provide you with a much better chance of achieving that connection.
Blog Post contributor – Laura Jacobs
contact [email protected]
Love after Lockdown? It’s not looking too bad!
We may not have been able to meet our Mr, Ms, or Mx Right physically over the past few months, but we might actually be making deeper connections thanks to lockdown. Today we are seeing that people are taking dating far more seriously, and people have become aware of how precious life and time is, so they are investing their energy in more authentic, connected conversations.
We’re hearing from our clients that there are higher quality chats and there is a significant spike in us setting up social distance walks which are leading to 2nd and 3rd dates.
It will take more than a pandemic to keep us from Love!
#matchmaker #matchmakervancouver #love
Getting Back Out There: Dating in this new world
You can still meet that right person, even as we emerge slowly from months of confinement. At Matchmaker for Hire, we’re all about connections while remaining dedicated to the health and safety of our clients. We know how difficult and isolating the past weeks have been for many people, but’s now’s not time to meet your match in real life without respecting the rules of physical distancing. Currently, we’re recommending walks and outdoor meetups where proper spacing can be maintained. In addition, we’re actively vetting our clients by asking them if they’re displaying any symptoms for COVID-19 before we set them up on dates. We’re vigilantly monitoring COVID-19 developments and continue to be looking to the Public Health Agency of Canada, HealthLink BC and BC Centre for Disease Control for guidance and recommendations.
But, until the situation changes, let’s keep the words of Dr. Bonnie Henry top of mind:
“We’re social people… let’s do it in small, thoughtful ways, and also let’s be really concerned about ourselves and if we are feeling unwell or under the weather, put it off for another day.”
Please be advised that at every single client interaction, we will be asking the following questions:
First Dates over Phone, FaceTime & Zoom- Do they work?
In some ways virtual dating is a different ballgame from meeting someone in real life – and in some ways it is not. As someone who can speak with experience and direct commentary on dating today, it’s a well-known fact that dating at any time is not for the faint of heart or those easily discouraged. As the old saying goes that you must kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince—and yes it kind of applies, however fortunately for you I know a lot of frogs. Nevertheless, there is by no means a guarantee for meeting the love of your life, however I can guarantee there is one in the bunch that you might want to take a chance on.
During this delicate time when finding love has been disrupted, for the most part, my clients have been open to a virtual date after receiving a recommendation of a profile that is a good match. It’s a chance to make an effort to get to know someone virtually by a pre-face-to-face meeting and there are certain aspects of a relationship potential you might be able to gather before a real in person date in the near future. However, there are certain aspects of a relationship you are never going to be able to gather from online interactions alone. In these times we suggest not drawing out the pre-face-to-face meeting for too long and for those who feel comfortable have enjoyed a social distancing walk as the next step with success.
Here are a few virtual date feedbacks from actual clients:
Dating should be fun and it shouldn’t feel like work. Check in with yourself regularly and if it’s feeling like a chore you’re not enjoying yourself, then take a break and wait for the opportunity for when things return to REAL face-to-face dating. It will be here before you know it.
#nationalkissofhopeday #findlove #loveisnotcancelled #dating
ARE YOU DATEABLE?
So, are you ready to hear what he/she said about you personally?
We live in a feedback culture today. Where it is normal in every other part of our lives from Amazon, Google customer ratings and reviews to TripAdvisor yet why is so hard to seek feedback from a date? It’s ironic because dating is perhaps the most important area where feedback can literally change your life.
After 18 years of experience routinely doing “exit” interviews with my clients, please believe me when I tell you that they are more empowering than embarrassing. Especially if you truly want to find the right mate, it can be extremely helpful the bite the bullet and find out what is going right and wrong during and after your dates. Uncovering the gap between your perceptions and your dates perceptions will enable you to find your mate more quickly and efficiently.
What I can share with you is that 90% of women I speak to are wrong when they guess why their date didn’t call them back. Maybe you aren’t creating enough date-makers while causing too many date-breakers. Why wonder needlessly when you can just get the information you need, directly from the source?
Information is power. What’s the worst that could happen?
If you’ve found this article helpful, have any questions for me or want to share any personal experiences with giving or receiving feedback feel free to leave a comment and contact me [email protected]
What interesting and uncertain times we are in!
As the matchmaker who’s been setting up dates for my clients, each day this past week, I’ve been a bit more unsure of what the right move is going forward in terms of presenting introductions to you. As comfortable as one person feels going out for dinner and drinks with someone new in the time of coronavirus, the next person feels differently. My matchmaking colleagues and I have had several recent date cancellations and are brainstorming how our industry must adapt. With over three hundred confirmed cases in Canada now, it seems it may be a matter of time before we see more people quarantining with bars and restaurants in many cities shut down.
Considering your best interest, my observations as to the way singles and the matchmaking industry is reacting, and the ethical obligations I feel as a human being who does not want to contribute to the spread of disease, I present three options to you for best handling the remaining time on your contract:
–Virtual Dating: I can set you up on video dates with people who are interested in getting to know someone virtually. After screening candidates for you on phone or video, I would send recent photos and a profile as usual so you could decide if you’d like to accept the introduction. Your “date” will take place on a virtual medium of your choice, and it will count as an introduction on your contract regardless of whether a “real” date takes place. I will coach both parties on how to make the best impression in this medium.
–Dating Coaching: You can exchange some of your remaining introductions for coaching sessions. If you are interested in using this downtime for self-reflection and self-improvement in terms of your love life, I promise to give you tremendous value! You will receive unlimited email coaching and once to twice weekly video coaching sessions to help you learn how to “become your own matchmaker”. You will learn not just how to attract a better match on your own-whether on or offline-but how to keep him or her for the long term. I will use feedback from past dates, a thorough assessment of your relationship history, as well as my overall impression of your strengths and weaknesses in terms of attracting a match. Most importantly, it will teach you how to attract/maintain the relationship you desire.
–Hold Time: We will simply put things on hold for a bit until we see how this all pans out.
I will gladly honor and respect your choice, if you know your preference now, please do let me know.
Additionally, it’s a good time to update your profile and photos with us and I’m happy to discuss things further with you this week if you like.
Stay safe and well!
Why is asking someone out such a difficult thing?
Today is National Promposal Day and prompts the ultimate question “Will you go to prom with me?”
Which recalls a question I get from most all singles I meet, “Why is asking someone out such a difficult thing” and one that gets angst over even for the most confident. Well, we live in a “dating game society” where people are free to be crappy to each other and its turned courtship into entertainment. Therefore, we have to accept that some people can be crappy, or at best, acknowledge that people have different ideas about what is crappy behavior and what is good behavior……..but bear in mind that the tiniest few might actually mean well!
So instead of crying because someone won’t ask you out, feel FREE to ask him/her out.
If you do, please let me know, I’d like to congratulate you.
Midlife Commitment and Dating – CARPe Diem- Joy TVBC
Today love is triumphant. Marriage is becoming less conventional, less dutiful and less obligatory—but even more important we find that not all people over-50, single again and dating, find themselves end up technically married. And because for most couples, weddings are no longer obligatory, they must however be extraordinary.
For couples today, marriage has changed from being a rite of passage to a celebration of love and commitment – a sign that two people are ready to stand up in front of friends and family and commit themselves further. However, marriage should be entered with a cool head and know that weddings join families, not just couples. It can take the already complicated and complicate it more. And for most people dating with MORE than a few life miles left on the clock, they still idealise marriage but think of relationships as something to go slow and it be undertaken at some point in the future, or perhaps not at all.
Mastering the old-fashioned way of finding love means you are “looking to be matched not bombarded by dates” and there are ways you can embrace old-fashioned dating and still feel empowered in a because ultimately you are calling the shots. While most midlife singles aren’t exactly in a hurry to meet a new partner, they all would like to meet someone for companionship—or more. And, this new phase of life to begin with a lot of laughs, some fun, some intimacy and definitely, some good food.
However, I can’t help but also think about how important it is for singles today to really know when it is real love, as opposed to a vision clouded from a fast moving, whirlwind of a romance and emotions that would make anyone swoon. Now that’s crazy, stupid, love.
WATCH: An encore presentation of the CARPe diem Season 2 opener: Zoomer Weddings – Navigate love and commitment later in life with some insight from those who tied the knot twice.
Join host Carmen RuizyLaza and her guests Marina Adshade (https://economics.ubc.ca/faculty-and-staff/marina-adshade/), Jane Carstens of Matchmaker For Hire, and Darrin Hotte from @New Solution Mediation, & special guests Bert Hick and Jim Doyle, this Friday February 20 at 5:00pm on Joytv BC.
Episode summary video click below
Seize YOUR Day!
“He bought me Chocolate but….”
We at Matchmaker for Hire are just crazy about all things sweet, especially chocolate. Hell, chocolate can solve almost any problem and chocolate and dating have gone hand in hand since the beginning of time because we all know that when it comes down to it, nothing can compete with a special moment made of sensuality and chocolate. So needless to say we are always keen to spread the joy and encourage the passion of chocolate and dating and over the years we’ve hear some little stories and remarks about chocolate and dating to make you smile…..
Is your dating life like a box of chocolates?
Source credit ; https://www.santabarbarachocolate.com/chocolate-dating/
Find Love this Snow Day!
If you live in BC today, you look outside your window and you are completely snowed in. There is now way you can even set foot outside your front door and there is only so much Netflix you can watch. You are also very aware that Valentines Day is around the corner and you are wondering what you can do to get yourself out of these snow day blues. Well, we can help! What better way to use your snow days productively then by giving us a call today, WE’RE IN THE OFFICE, and ready to have a chat with you to find that someone special and maybe just in time for Valentines Day.
Here’s some simple steps you will need to get you started;
Pictures you need to have. Hundreds of singletons will be doing the same thing as you! Make sure you find some great pictures of yourself that you are proud of and that show you clearly to add to your profile. Please, no gym selfies or over edited, Instagram ready pictures! They should represent your true self and what the person will see if they decide they want to meet you.
Get your “about me” up to scratch. Keep it light, chatty and positive and make sure your grammar is correct. Poor grammar is a major turn off for both men and women so make sure you proofread everything before you hit that ‘send’ button!
Make a first move and contact us! Whilst you are stuck inside, you have time to engage with your inner self confidence so why not test it out by making the first move and have a chat with us? It’s amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it and all from the comfort of your sofa, in your lovely warm home, in your pajamas whilst the snow continues to fall outside.
email [email protected] or call 778-552-3350
The Problem with Dating Apps
Dating apps. I hate and love them at the same time. They can be great because we meet someone we’d never normally meet, but what are the downsides? Tinder came out in 2012 and that was the first dating app created. Nearly eight years later, with so many different dating apps on the market, are they helping or hurting our society?
I’m Laura Jacobs, and I’m a professional Matchmaker. While my profession is as old as time, the emergence of dating apps has vastly changed the landscape of dating today and makes my job extremely interesting.
The biggest question I get is “Well, why do I need you? I can just go on Bumble or Tinder and find someone….I don’t need a matchmaker.” If I had a penny for every time I heard this, I’d be rolling in it, yet people are still dissatisfied beyond belief. They are still single, they are still searching every app looking for the “next best thing” out there. They are still afraid of commitment, and some are even using dating apps as pure “entertainment,” forgetting that there are actual people with emotions on the other side of the photos they’re swiping left or right on.
I believe gender roles also have a part to play in all this confusion. I am a millennial, and when my baby boomer parents met, my father approached my mother, in person. If you are also a millennial, you likely have similar stories from your parents and grandparents of how they met. Why is this? Because back then the man had no choice but to walk up to a woman, he found attractive and say hi to her. There was no other option! He wasn’t going to go on his smartphone later and swipe away at other women. Therefore, the risk of rejection was worth the price to talk to that woman. I don’t know about you, but the last time I heard a girlfriend say a guy came up to her as a total stranger and said “hi” was, never. Isn’t that sad? And herein lies the problem. We’re all confused now. Who is supposed to approach who? We live a half-life in a digital world, glued to our phones. Why would a man come up to a woman in life and risk that rejection when he can just do things the easy way and swipe left or right? Apps trick us into thinking we have unlimited options and don’t need to take risks anymore in our real lives when it comes to love.
The disconnect here is women are still raised with something I like to call “Princess Mentality.” Disney Plus just came out, and I was re watching the classics I grew up with. Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella. What do these stories have in common? The Princess meets a Prince who once he sees her, is totally devoted to her and doesn’t second guess his feelings or go swiping for other Princesses! He knows she’s the one. I suppose we all search for that feeling. As women, we want men to be sure of us, and how can they be when now they are thrown thousands of other options virtually every single day?
I asked different men and women their main complaints with dating apps and these are just some of the things I heard.
One woman said she felt due to all the other “options” out there, she had to be unrealistically impressive on every single date she went on. She also felt once she went on two or three dates with one man, he got bored. He stopped texting as much because he wanted something “new” and “exciting.”
One man admitted to me he used apps for “entertainment” and didn’t take them seriously. When I inquired further as to what he meant, he said “well I’m not going to meet my wife on a dating app, those are for hookups and just seeing what’s out there.” This harsh truth surprised me. Many men have told me the same thing that they don’t take women seriously who they meet on apps.
One man told me “I use them when I’m bored, not when I’m looking for an actual relationship.”
The truth hurts. Yet it’s a vicious cycle because as women, how are we supposed to meet men any other way when societally we are all conditioned thinking men should approach us and ask us out, yet barely any of them are doing that anymore due to dating apps?
Let me also clarify and say that by no means am I saying that women can’t be guilty of using dating apps for the superficial reasons too, but it generally wasn’t the feedback I got. As a woman myself, I must emphasize and relate to the way men shamelessly act on dating apps. Hypothetically, that guy who asked you to come over for Netflix and chill and doesn’t even know you COULD be a good guy, but he doesn’t take this app seriously, or you.
I became a matchmaker because I truly believe in love. I also love connecting people and helping them find love. There is nothing more fulfilling then hearing I helped two people find a loving relationship. I use my intuition every day to “feel” who would be a good match for one another. I interview a client for over an hour sometimes, finding out what they are looking for, and more importantly, WHO they are. Someone going to a matchmaker, is tired of the regular methods and wants to get serious about their love life. We set up dates with caution and care. I’m not sending my clients unlimited options, because all you need is one. All you need is that ONE person to be a game changer for you. You don’t need to swipe hundreds of people. After I meet a client, I sit down and wonder who would be good for them based on what they’re looking for. My clients also trust me. I met a client yesterday after I convinced him to go out with a girl who is not usually his physical type, but I said, “please trust me.” He reported back to me that they had a great date and he was so pleasantly surprised by her and would see her again. As a matchmaker I “vet” each person that comes into my office. You aren’t meeting some stranger off Bumble you saw 3 photos of, you are meeting someone I vouch for, a quality person. You are meeting someone you read an extensive bio on who is looking for a meaningful connection.
I predict with the rise of technology the use of matchmakers for my generation will become more mainstream. People are tired of being overlooked on apps. They are tired of not being taken seriously. One thing that makes us human is our desire to connect to each other. Love is the optimum connection, and Matchmakers provide you with a much better chance of achieving that connection.
Blog Post contributor – Laura Jacobs
contact [email protected]